My Thoughts...

K, I was talking with Nicole about my poor/critical view of my progress...I guess that I'm too hard on myself in regaurds to my main goal, to walk again. I suppose she's right, if I don't believe in myself, how are others going to believe in me? I told Nicole that I DO believe I'm going to walk/get outta this wheelchair, and that I just am keeping my mouth shut because I don't want to sound cocky. Nicole said that it wouldn't be "cocky" to speak-up about my successes...but I dunno. I mean, I'm sharing this blog with the "world." And I'd like to think that my close friends and family know that getting out of this wheelchair is ALL I'm foccusing on. If I haven't made that clear, I AM GOING TO WALK. Wow. Typing that last bit was harder for me than I thought. I just don't want to go around telling everyone that I WILL WALK, and end up failing. I am so afraid of that...cuz I don't want to fail and let everybody down. I feel like I know what all of you are thinking...People would just be proud of you for trying, Well, that's what I'm doing. I am trying...and I am making so many of y'all proud. But I truly struggle with saying/believing that I will, without hesitation, walk again. At this point, I know I won't be in this wheelchair forever, but I don't know when, so I can't make any promises. As all of these thoughts are running through my head, it's almost as though by me being afraid to securely believe in myself, has been kind of a "roadblock," keeping my butt in the chair. Huh. I almost feel like I've reached this conclusion before. Now, I'm stuck. I don't know what I need to change about myself, or rather, HOW to change myself in order to break down that last "roadblock." *sheesh.* ...Help!?