Two in One

We have two blog entries for you today. The first entry is of somewhat importance and if you can help, both Michelle and I would be really grateful. 

From Michelle:

Well, the time has come in which I have to ask for help from y’all. I am currently living with my Mom & Dad (and siblings) in Scotts Valley. My Dad recently got a new job in Walnut Creek. They are moving 2hrs up north, trying to convince me to join them, and I don’t wanna go! I tried asking my Pops if I could stay with him for a few months…bringing my care-givers to help me out during the daytime and offering to pay him & Camille to let me stay…but the answer was no. So, I guess the thing to do is try living on my own…separately from my parents. For me, it seems as though it’s about time, but God had different plans for my life…allowing my dreams to be put on hold and taking me on this wild ride with nothin’ but a seatbelt! I constantly need to remind myself that only God knows why, and maybe this move will be a blessing, but I am scared of leaving the Santa Cruz area. I’m scared of leaving all of my friends, family, and people who know me... not the ‘pretty girl in the wheelchair.” I’m mostly scared of losing my therapies/training. The hard work I’m putting in with Nicole…and others…would all be for nothing if I move away. And I don’t want it to be for nothing…I wanna walk again!

So, I’m looking to rent a room from someone in Santa Cruz county. I posted an add on craigslist, offering $500/month rent and of course, telling that I’m an incomplete quad…not since birth! It has gotten a couple responses, but I’m fearful that people are afraid of taking me on cuz of the wheelchair. Like I said to one of the craigslist responders and hopefully y’all can tell, I’m normal…I swear! If anyone can help me out, it would be much appreciated!

Email me @ michellemarie1985@yahoo.com

After all this work Michelle and I have put in, I think it's detrimental that we stick with our program. Losing her and knowing that her progress could regress would absolutely break my heart. I want to do anything in my power to keep Michelle going and give her the independence she both desires and deserves. If we can all work together to help Michelle find a home and to finance her training program for the next few months, we'd be so much closer to our end goal -- getting Michelle to walk again. Please let us know if you can help.

Notes on Our Session, From Michelle:

I did not express my best self today. I've got a lot of crap running through my mind, and I deffinitely brought that with me to the work-out. Nicole could tell something was bothering me, so asked, "Are you ok?" I told her that I'd rather not talk about it, and she gave me a sympathetic acknowledgement. I really didn't feel like talking about my problems and opening up the floodgates of emotions. One thing I've learned about myself since my brain injury, is that I tend to get overly emotional about ridiculous things and I was there to work-out, not get overly emotional! At least I've acknoweledged the issue, and am working on controlling my emotions.

Anyhoo, we started with the regular arm warm-ups. That was followed by bicep curls and raising the weights out and up with straight arms. After that, I leaned my chair all that way back, and we did some leg presses. Then we worked on stretching my hips out. Nicole stretched out each leg/hip individually. She was surprised that my physical therapists haven't been working on my hip flexability...and I'm kind of disappointed with that as well. So, we're going to have to work on that, and I'll try to get my physical therapists to step-up thier game as well. Next we used the TRX, with myself pulling my upper body off the wheelchair...my chair was leaned all the way back. We took a short "break" from the TRX and Nicole had me do a round of leg presses. We finished up with a final go with the TRX. I did one-armed pull-ups...which are probably my least favorite, not only cuz they hurt like hell ;), but also because I can really see and feel the weakness in my arms, more-so my right arm...and lastly, I did the normal, two-arm pull-ups.

I think that working-out, feeling the burn, and pushing my muscles ridiculously hard, helped my distracted mood a bit. BUT, I know when I'm just not the best me, and today, let's just say I was distracted.

The TRX

From Michelle:

Tonight my abs are achey and my calves have a constant, subtle burn feeling. That just means one thing: I had a gooood work-out! Once again, Nicole put me through the ringer...but it was worth it!

 

We started with the usual arm warm-ups. They hurt like hell every time! Usually, Nicole does them with me so she's gotta feel the burn too, but today she bowed out and I had to move my arms in tiny circles all by my lonesome!

 

Nicole was pretty excited to have me get going on the newest toy in my work-out routine. The TRX. Sounds intense, huh!?! So the TRX is this contraption that hangs from the ceiling (it kind of looked like some sex-swing-thingy...can I say that?) and has two handles. Nicole had me line up my wheelchair underneath it and lean myself as far back as the chair would go. Then, with sturdy grips, my task was to pull my entire upper body up, out of the wheelchair. After a good amount of those, the "easy" version, Nicole raised my legs and had me simultaneously pushing my legs into her chest, and doing the "pull-ups." I was feeling my core muscles burning, my forearms aching, and my calves & thighs pushing through the pain!

 

Then we did exercises holding weights. The one that made me nervous and, at the same time, most satisfied with my ability  to pull it off, was the exercise that worked my lateral core muscles. I would lean all the way over to one side with the weight  in my grasp, then I would pull myself up and over to the other side. I really hope we continue to do this exercise because although I was able to do what Nicole asked of me, I would like to confidently do the exercise with strength!

 

My right wrist was being weak and flimsy with the weight in my hand, so Nicole had me do this exercise with my wrists where I simply flicked them back and forth for 2 mins. Surprisingly, my muscles right below my wrist, burned! Nicole wants me to do that exercise everyday at home...AYE-AYE CAP'N!

 

Then it was time for the REAL work-out to begin! ;) I wheeled my chair back to the TRX and leaned all the way back again. Nicole raised my legs up, and focusing all of my strength into my legs, I pushed my right leg, then my left, into Nicole's chest. She leaned, and pushed back against my feet while I tried sooo hard, trying to kick her back into the wall! At the end of all of the hard work, I laughed and told Nicole that it felt like I was giving birth...with Nicole yelling for me to "push harder!," and me gritting my teeth and bearing down with all my might! Nicole laughed and said she thought of that too. After that, we looked down at my hips to find that they were all askewed. So, I pulled myself up with the TRX handles, and Nicole shifted me around by my straight legs...it was pretty funny, if you saw it!

 

Lastly, I pulled the resistance band across my body...with a bent elbow...and the goal was to feel it in my lats. I was pooped at the end of our session.

March 20th - The Hardest Session So Far

Michelle had a huge breakthrough today. I could see a significant difference in her muscle tone and her strength.

From Michelle:

The Burn Zone was just a friendly facade...It's actually the Torture Zone! Nicole and I joked around about calling BZ the Torture Zone on the blog, but there were definitely points during the work-out where there was no joking in my book!;) I was able to do so much more this week and Nicole took full advantage! She had me trying out a bunch of new exercises so there was no way my body could get used to the same old routine! I'm feelin' it tonight!

My legs are feelin' it the most. Nicole and I worked both of my legs until I felt like my legs had turned to floppy wet noodles. I was in pain during the work-out, but that pain was gooood:).

It wasn't so much pain, but that's just my dramatic way of putting it! We worked on bending my knees, holding one bent knee up at a time with my arms, pushing down into the exercise ball, and pushing my legs straight. We worked on each leg individually, which I enjoyed because I could work-out each muscle group in each leg individually.

Michelle Holding up her Own Right Leg. She's a Little Model for the Camera!

As far as the arm exercises go, I did bicep curls, and raising weights out at shoulder-level and lowering weights down to my thighs with straight arms, and pushing the weights straight up above my head and lowering them down to bent elbows. Also, I pulled-down the resistance band that was hanging from the ceiling. Oh yeah, the sweat was building' up!

In addition to working out my legs and arms, my core/abdominal muscles got a hard-core work-out as well. It seems that every exercise I do Nicole is feeling my core to make sure I'm engaging those muscles!

Also, as I've mentioned before, REPETITION is a key factor to the sessions I'm doing with Nicole!

Man, I just pray that this work ends up paying off. It's somewhat encouraging to hear that all of my work is visible from my various therapists and from Nicole, but I just want to "get better" FASTER!

Video 1

I asked Michelle to make a number of testimonial videos for our blog/training project. The first topic she goes into is whether or not she's experienced any ridicule since she became ill.

Show Offs

Thursday 3/15/2012 - From Michelle

 

Today was deffinitely a session in which I feel like I really opened up to Nicole. My BFF, Christy, came for the beginning of the work-out. She came in with her two girls, Sydney and Hailey, to kinda see what this trainer-thing was all about! Nicole and Christy got to know eachother while I worked up a sweat! Only kidding...but I deffinitely wanted to put on a good show for Christy and I could tell that Nicole wanted to show-off for our guest too!;) Nicole and Christy would crack jokes and then I would start cracking up, thus losing my concentration and throwing my balance off! It was great that Nicole and Christy got along...not that I expected anything different!

 

So, while my BFF was there, Nicole and I did a brutal session of arm warm ups. We did the usual raising & lowering of the arms, holding the arms out and twisting the invisible doorknobs, raising the arms above the head and lowering them back down to shoulder-level...only now that I've improved so much, and because we had an audience, the repatition was endless and there were no breaks. Not that Nicole normally goes soft on me, but I could absolutely feel the intensity level kicked up a knotch!

 

With our audience still watching, I did pec/abs/bicep exercises with the resistance band wrapped around the pole in the studio. First I pulled the resistance band back towards my chest. Then, I turned my chair around, so that my back was to the pole, and I pushed the resistance band in front of my chest. All in all, I think Christy got a show and was impressed with my hard work when she left!

 

With Christy gone, Nicole continued to push me! I did about 3 rep of 25 bicep-curls with the 4lb weight. Then it was back to the resistance band wrapped around the pole. I'm gonna be buff after this!

 

Nicole and I chatted during the work-out...Girl Talk! I shared a bunch  of small talk about my BFF (Sorry Christy...you're more a part of this blog than we thought! Love ya!), and then Nicole asked me, "So, whatever happened with your boyfriend when you got sick?" Duh-Duh-Duuuhhh! I shared with her how he "disappeard" when I got sick. We chatted about how closure would have been nice and how now, almost 7 yrs later, he and I are trying to give a fresh start to our friendship. I shared with Nicole how I may not be able to forget, but I do know how to forgive.

 

Before I knew it, our work-out time was up :(. Sad story. I added an additional day of leg presses on the pilates reformer (mon.) and I've got an additional day of Physical Therapy (fri.), so I should be RIPPED by  our next session!;)

Stronger

Michelle has gotten SO much stronger. The first day I worked with Michelle, she could barely pull the bands toward her body more than a few inches. Now she's rocking it! It is so promising to see such improvement in the first couple sessions.

It's nice to see her smiling despite all the work she's doing here!

March 13

"I pulled up to the BZ with winds a-blowin' and rain being dumped in buckets on us! It was freezing too! (Now, that's obviously a relative observation, as I have never lived/worked-out in say, Antarctica!) After getting soaked by the rain...can I just say the I LOVE being in a wheelchair in the middle of a downpour!;)...Nicole got me started with arm warm-ups right away. Within a couple minutes I was grateful that Nicole was turning down the heaters! I guess I just needed to get my blood flowin' with those arm warm-ups!

After the warm-ups, Nicole had me work with the weights. Right now I'm working with 4lb weights, but I'm sure Nicole will up the anty shortly! I brought the weight up n' down on each side, as well as out n' in towards my chest. It has been really encouraging to see...and feel...the muscle-strength that I've gained.

Then I tried pushing myself up, out of the wheelchair. I was frustrated and somewhat disappointed with myself in that I knew what it was supposed to look like, yet my right hand wasn't pushing-down flat on the wheelchair's armrest, and my left leg wasn't remaining bent to help me push up with my legs...that's known as muscle-overload; where I'm trying to do one thing and I'll be trying so hard with one muscle, that my effort unintentionally spreads to usually my left leg and it shoots out. Nicole, on the other hand, saw the good, successful parts of my attempts. She focused on the fact that I was able to lift my butt off of the chair a little bit.

Next, I did an exercise where I squeezed the heck out of this Pilates-circle-thingy with my feet while I did leg lifts simultaneously. It was such a leg-burning work-out! It was hard as hell, but it was also kinda fun!

And lastly, Nicole had me clenching my teeth doing the pull down dealy with the thick resistance band hanging from the ceiling. Also, I did these pull-downs with straight arms that hurt like a b****! I got all emotional, on the verge of tears during that exercise! It's crazy how painful and tiring certain exercises are!

Keep in mind that REPETITION for all of these exercises is the main goal during my sessions."

-Michelle

Life After the Wheel Chair

Michelle recently sent me her "before" story. As I can imagine, digging up this kind of history must be painful. I really want to applaud her courage for sharing this story, not only with myself, but with all of you. It's hard to imagine that such a positive, funny and beautiful girl could be hiding such a heart wrenching story. When reading this blog or checking in on Michelle's progress let it give you perspective and allow it to inspire you in your own way.

The Continuation of Michelle's Story...

OK, let me start by saying that this is the part of my story that I really don’t like talking about. It stirs up a lot of emotions and honestly, I just hate doing it. I lived it once, and I don’t really like re-opening that can of worms. However, it is a big part of my life and if sharing my story helps you in better understanding me, then it’s best if I’m an open book!

Freshman year of college was as to be expected…meals that had very little nutritional value, late nights filled with parties, trips with gal pals to the ridiculously large mall…remember, I came from Santa Cruz…, excursions with dorm mates to the crowded beaches in the San Diego sun, evenings dressed in your cutest work out outfit so we could look good in the high-tech gym…we were probably more concerned with how we looked to the opposite sex rather than our actual fitness routines…, and exciting adventures across the border to Tijuana, Mexico, where the legal drinking age was 18.

On the last trip over the border before I went home to Santa Cruz, I had gone with my boyfriend and his buddies on an all day escapade in Tijuana. We went to strip clubs, walked down a strip of shops…with everything from Mexican wrestling masks to colorful, shimmering thong undies!…, ate at a local restaurant, and stopped off for beers along the way. It was a laid back, carefree day in TJ. We got back to SDSU in the early evening and I was grateful there had been no run-ins with the Mexican Police or Border Patrol… that had been my main concern crossing the border with these guys!;)

Over the following week or so of school, I began experiencing some strange symptoms. I fell at completely random instances, which at the time, seemed funny. When I would talk on the phone to my mom, she later told me that it kind of sounded as if I had marbles in my mouth. My quick, snappy sense of humor wasn’t coming to me as quickly. It was as though I would simply forget a word for a second. It was out of the ordinary, but I tried to just ignore the strange symptoms and continue to live my life as normal.

Michelle with her father in the hospital.

A close family friend, René, had just died of a brain rumor. Her diagnosis was completely random and the tumor turned her life upside down and the end came much too quickly. I was scared to confront my symptoms because I was afraid that I might have one of those random brain tumors. It may seem silly now, but my fear of a brain tumor like Rene’s was totally real back then…so, I chose to push that fear to the back of my mind, and simply ignore my symptoms!

After finals came and went, my Pops picked me up from college and we headed back up north, home. My mom and Dad had moved out to Colorado, so my plan was to stay the summer with my Pops ‘n fam. I was very excited as I hadn’t spent that long with my Pops EVER! As it turns out, God had a different plan for my life.

Instead of spending a fun-filled summer with my Pops, Camille, and my brothers, I got extremely sick, losing my ability to walk, and my Pops had to carry me piggy-back style into the ER. I was examined and studied by countless doctors, but no official diagnosis could be made. I was admitted into the hospital where they hooked me up to an iv that flooded my body with numerous drugs and steroids to kill off whatever was attacking my body. The assailant went down and I stabilized. Now all that was needed was for me to do a quick recovery…right?

Wrong. I was transferred over to the rehab facility where I unexpectedly got worse. Friends and family came to visit me at the rehab facility, I’m sure expecting to see me on the mend. Rather, I was a mess. There were times when I was too embarrassed to interact with visitors, so I would simply fake sleeping. The one time this method didn’t work so well, was when a group of about five girlfriends stopped by to visit. My mom was already in the room with me when the girls came by and decided to make themselves comfortable and chat with my mom. I was trying so hard to pretend that I was sleeping, but the stories they were sharing with my mom gave me the giggles! My gig was up. I was caught. The girls and I all laughed together, and it actually felt good to be around friends for that moment.

When my status continued to decline, we made the decision to have me checked out by the team at the UCSF Hospital. The doctors there gave me a four hour MRI, sent samples of my blood all around the world, tested me for things like Cat-Scratch Fever and even questioned me about “chasing dragons”…apparently, that’s chasing one drug with cocaine (or something) afterwards to increase your high! I did have to admit all of my wrong-doings…use your imagination…to the doctors with my mom and grandmother in the room, but I was definitely not a hard-core drug addict! After a few weeks of the doctors trying, yet failing, to figure out what was wrong with me, I made the decision to take an air ambulance back to the University of Colorado Hospital so that I could be close to my mommy!

In Colorado I sunk into a major depression. Instead of trying to figure out what was wrong with me and doing something medically to make me better, I was given in-patient rehab every day. And every day I continued to decline…there seemed to be no hope. I lost my voice completely, got down to 89 lbs and had to get a g-tube in my stomach so that I could receive food and water, became increasingly immobile, and over time in the various hospitals, lost control of my bowels and bladder. I was given a catheter for daytime accidents and put in diapers at night. It was humiliating. And there was nothing I could do about it. I spent a total of 8 months in the different hospitals and when I was finally released, they wheeled me out in a wheelchair.

I spent the next several months at our house in Colorado with my mom, Dad, and siblings. I just sank deeper into my depression at the house…Colorado was never home to me. I knew no one, and my Pops would fly out to see me lying motionless in my hospital-style bed, barely ever eating by mouth, and peeing into a bag. I had become suicidal, all I could do was think about killing myself because I had lost all ability to do anything about it.

My saving grace was when Christy and Dawn flew out to see me. I think my mom and Dad saw a positive change in my demeanor when Christy and Dawn were visiting me, which helped to make the move back to Santa Cruz/Scotts Valley, California an easier choice. Our move back to my hometown was welcomed by all. I was greeted back with a big bbq with a bunch of friends and family!

My depression began to lift as soon as I was back in Cali. That first year back I improved a lot. I remember lying on the couch at my Pops’ house when I was able to move my left leg for the first time! I could barely bend my left knee, but it was movement! I was home alone when Alex pulled up in his burly truck. I immediately made him pull up a chair and “Watch this!” Using all of my strength and focus, I bent my left knee a half of an inch! It’s funny now, but back then Alex made the moment as special as it felt by flashing a smile and saying “Good job!"

I also made an easy 100 bucks that year by eating a whole cheeseburger! I say it was easy, but back then eating an entire bacon cheeseburger from Chili’s was a huge task! My Pops hand-fed me the cheeseburger, and Camille paid me the big bucks! Camille later said that she bet me to eat the entire thing so that I could prove, to myself, that I had the capability of actually eating by mouth. That was a pretty good strategy to get me to start eating, because it wasn’t long after that I was able to get my g-tube taken out!

When I got my power wheelchair, my wheeling around became independent. I was messing around with my spiffy new wheelchair out in front of my Pops’ house, at the end of a cul-de-sac, when my brother, Wes, and I discovered the low-rider status of my wheelchair. I leaned the chair all the way back and, with encouragement of Wes to do it, put the wheelchair in “drive”-mode and cruised down the street. We laughed at how “ghetto” I looked rolling down the street.

A few years passed and I was able to gain a lot more mobility. Both of my arms were moving again, I was eating with utensils under my own control, my voice and bowel/bladder control had improved, and I was able to move my left leg, and sometimes the right, significantly more than half an inch. Although I was improving, very slowly, I still had suicidal thoughts. I was prescribed anti-depressants, which definitely helped, but nothing could prepare me for what was coming.

On October 3, 2010, my brother, Wesley James Ellis, took his own life. His loss devastated me and continues to break my heart to this day. With Wes’ suicide I made a promise…Not only did I promise myself, but my family members as well… that I would never ever kill myself.

As of January 1, 2011, I have had Wes in my heart and mind telling me to push myself. I have to walk again. I’m doing it with Wes now…screw the wants of others. I’ve got Wes as my motivation and I’m doing this for me.

As of a few weeks ago, my Dad got a new job. My mom, Dad, and siblings are moving to Lafayette…that’s about an hour and a half north of Santa Cruz. I am choosing to stay in SC. I would like to move into an assisted-living facility, and I would love to have the independent mobility to move out on my own! I have until June to make something happen.

Currently, I go to the Chiropractor on Mondays, I have Personal Training & Speech Therapy on Tuesdays, a work-out on the pilates machine/leg presses on Wednesday, Physical Therapy & Personal Training on Thursdays, and Physical Therapy on Fridays. All of my appointment are 1 hr a piece…except for my Chiropractor visits!

I have to remember that God’s in charge. I learned that with way my life has turned out. Do Not Be Afraid Of Tomorrow, God Is Already There.

Yesterday's Session

Yesterday Michelle and I had a great session. Even though her muscles were fatigued, she was showing clear signs of improvement. My goal for Michelle in the first couple of months is to gain upper body strength. This will improve her mobility and allow her to lift herself out of her own chair eventually. Once we've established her upper body strength, we will move on to strengthening her core and her legs. 


Of all of the amazing clients I work with, Michelle has proven that she has true determination and character. She doesn't complain or say no. She never tells me she can't (although I may have heard her nearly mutter an "I can't" yesterday, but I doubt it) and she is always ready and willing. I think I ask her, "you ready?" about every two minutes. She just smiles and obliges. 


I know this work has got to be tough on her, but she knows that hard work will pay off. To see someone like Michelle in here is inspiring not only for me, but for all of my clients and for all of you readers. For Michelle, it's not just getting fit to look better, it's getting in shape to one day gain her independence back -- to walk, to take care of herself and hopefully one day, take care of a family of her own. If this blog does anything for you, let it inspire you to take your own health into account. Let it give you perspective on your life and what you may take for granted. One thing I have learned so far from Michelle is to smile. Despite all the tragedy in her life, she smiles. She's funny. She is an open book. She is amazing.


Let's see if her account of yesterday was as uplifting as mine...


From Michelle:

Today was a doozey! I got to the B.Z. (Burn Zone) at 4:30 and, like always, Nicole got me started right away. We started with arm warm ups...raising/lowering arms, twisting imaginary doorknobs, etc. Then Nicole had me doing various exercises that worked my chest...those muscles right above your boobs! Instead of doing exercises that were "pull-up" style, I pushed the resistance band from my back to the front of my chest. Also, I did an exercise with my arms held straight above my head, and holding the resistance band I bent my elbows down towards my head...if that makes any sense! ;) It burned!

After that, Nicole had me work my core. I pulled the resistance band, with my arm straight, across my body. I did that on either arm. That sucker hurt! Nicole put her hand out  as a goal for me to reach with the r.band, and that helped me to stay focused and keep going!

The next exercise was a killer! But I loved it! Nicole had me press up against her hands and arms that were gripping my feet. Talk about the B.Z.! My thigh muscles and calves were working like crazy!

Following the leg burners, Nicole messed around with my ankles...She said they were super tight. That was not the first time I've heard that...Oh well. Something to work on.

Lastly we did the pull-up dealies, from the last session, with the fatter r.band. This time my right arm seemed to be stronger and more in control than it did in Tuesday's work out! (Except for the one time I lost my grip on the right hand, and the burley r.band shot violently at the ceiling! lol. Oops.)

Awesome, tiring session today...Thanx Nicole!

Getting to Know Michelle

Over the past two weeks, Michelle and I are really getting to know one another, yet I feel like there is still a lot to learn. I asked Michelle to write me an autobiography as well as make some video testimonials about her life, her struggle and her determination (that I think we all agree, is quite apparent). Without help, Michelle uses her left hand only to type, so as you read, take the time to appreciate her hard work.


Michelle's story, Part 1:

Life Before the Wheelchair

Obviously not the entire story, but this should give you a good glimpse…

Michelle, far right.

Twenty-six years ago I was born to a young, married couple, Jeff & Julie, who couldn't make it work for more than a year after my birth. I like to think that I was sooo excited to come into this world, that I was born six weeks premature. I suppose I had to get out while the iron was hot and my parents still loved each other! I was born on December 23, 1985.

My mom remarried when I was five to a man named Bruce. I was stoked for their marriage. I definitely have a tight relationship with my step-dad. Growing up having him in my life has been a blessing. And I LOVE his mother, my Grandma Beth!

Because they married when I was so young, I have always just called him “Dad.” As I’ve grown up, I’ve discovered the confusion that it causes people when I refer to two very different men as “Dad,” and have made sure to distinctly clarify who I’m talking about in conversations, but to me, he will always be known as my “Dad.”

My biological father, better known as Pops ;), has always been a part of my life. He and my mom shared custody where I spent every other weekend with my Pops. We would spend weekend 4-wheeling, going to the Flea Market, stopping at the same, small, cozy donut shop on Sunday mornings, and among various other things, spent a lot of time at one particular house.

That house belonged to James, my Pops’ best friend. James was married to Debbie and they had two sons, who were slightly older than me, Josh and Adam. As my Pops and James would hang-out in the garage, tinkering with jeeps and dirt bikes, myself, Josh, and Adam would be bouncing on the trampoline in the back yard or playing Legos in the living room. James and Debbie had been together back when my parents were together, so the family friendship continued beyond the divorce of my parents and to this day Josh, Adam, and I continue our close friendship.

Josh and Adam’s mom, Debbie, passed away when I was in the later years of elementary school. The boys were in middle school. Debbie lost her battle with Colon Cancer. I honestly can’t remember my interactions with healthy-Debbie, I just have seen a couple photos of her holding me when I was really little, but I do remember her sick and parts of her stay in the hospital. I distinctly remember the horrible, fake smiles that visitors wore. The time I spent in the hallway, right outside her hospital room. The slumber that Debbie seemed to constantly be in.

Debbie‘s death wasn‘t my first time in a hospital, nor was it my first time around cancer. In third grade I spent a lot of time at my step-dad’s hospital bedside. He was diagnosed with Castle man’s Disease which then turned into Lymphoma…cancer of the lymph nodes. He was given something like a 30% chance to live. My grandma, his mother, flew out from Indiana and stayed with my mom and I for a few months while life ran ragged. My mom, grandma, and I would climb in the car after school, and drive out to Stanford Hospital to visit my Dad. He would help me with my ever so challenging third grade homework, play cards with me and my grandma, and chat about the day with my mom. Although the outlook was grim, I never had that morbid feeling. Sure, I was scared, but because he never showed me that he was scared for his life, I am able to remember it as one hell of a challenge, not as a time of death. Today, I am proud to say that my Dad is a cancer survivor.

My mom got pregnant with twins when I was 11yrs old. Boy-girl twins would soon be joining the fam. My mom and I had a blast with her growing belly, taking comparison pictures of our stomachs and talking to her belly to make the babies move. One of the funniest memories between my mom and I is the time my very pregnant mother was sprawled out in stretchy shorts and a t-shirt, watching Oprah on the fold-out futon, with a stack of about ten mini chocolate chip cookies, one on top of the other, on her protruding pregnant belly. Her and I got the giggles as we ate the cookies off of her stomach. We joke about it now, how big her stomach had grown with the twins inside of her.

Emily Elizabeth and Matthew Jacob were born July 10, 1998, I was 12yrs old by then. I was thrilled to have a baby brother and sister! Matthew was born with an unknown genetic condition which has made him unable to walk, talk, eat, and his brain has not developed “normally.” Emily on the other hand, is completely “normal.” She is a beauty! Being at the stat of middle school, I found that having an infant sister was so fun! As she got older and her hair grew out, she turned into my own, personal, life-size doll! Playing dress-up, doing her hair and makeup was a regular occurrence in our house!

Having a handicapped little brother was interesting at first. Watching my mom (and Dad) take him to countless doctors appointments, both surgical and otherwise, showing such dedication as a mother, was perhaps an early sign that my mom would “have my back” no matter what. Matthew remained, and continues to remain, as just a part of the family.

My Pops remarried when I was about 13yrs old. He married an “Independent Woman” (think of that Destiny’s Child song ;)), Camille, who had two sons Alex and Wes, 10 and 6. Playing the older sister roll to two growing young men was to say the least, fun and interesting. Both of my brothers were/are good looking kids. They would probably give me a hard time for calling them “kids,” but I’m the oldest, so I can get away with It! But Wes, the youngest, turned on his charm with my girlfriends and had them all crushing on him! Alex was a little less of a “ladies man,” but still! I constantly had to remind my girlfriends of their age difference!

Growing up, my Pops introduced our new family members to the wonderful world of 4wheeling and dirt bikes. Over the years, we enjoyed many off-road camping trips that I am grateful for now and hope to always remember.

I was in the seventh grade when I became a cheerleader. I continued cheerleading through junior year of high school. I definitely loved cheerleading! It was something that I was good at and helped me “fit in” throughout those awkward middle school and early high school years. I actually met my BFF junior year of high school on the varsity cheerleading squad. At the time I was changing high schools to Monte Vista Christian from Scotts Valley High. Christy and I lived 5 minutes from one another in Santa Cruz/Scotts Valley, so we carpooled each other the 30 minute drive to and from Monte Vista. It was very convenient that Christy and I were both on the varsity cheer squad because we both had to be at the same practices and games! Our carpool worked out very nicely!…but I’m getting ahead of myself.

When I was a sophomore in high school, I was OBSESSED with IU Hoosier basketball! When the Hoosiers beat Duke in the Epic Eight, I could hardly contain my excitement! That win meant that the Hoosiers were going to the Final Four tourney in Atlanta, Georgia! My Dad and a bunch of his buddies who were equally as obsessed with IU basketball, worked some crazy magic, and got us all tickets to the Final Four! Although the Hoosiers lost the championship to the Maryland Terps, that long-weekend in Atlanta rooting on the Hoosiers, was probably one of the best weekends of my life!!

Another amazing trip also happened that summer…or maybe our first family trip was the summer before sophomore year…I’m not sure! Regardless, my mom, Dad, the twins, myself, and one of my closest and best friends, Dawn, spent two weeks on Glen Lake, Michigan. We met family up there, including my Grandma Beth!

For me, Glen Lake is heaven on earth! I had spent one vacation in Michigan without Dawn, strictly family. Although it was still beautiful and fun, the year I brought one of my best friends with me made the trip so much better! We traveled to Glen Lake with Dawn in tow the following summer, and the summer after that. I made incredible friends in Michigan and made even more incredible memories!

Junior year of high school the MVC varsity cheerleading squad, which my BFF and I were on, won a local Cheerleading Competition and went to compete in a National Competition in Disneyland. As a 17 year old high school cheerleader, competing at Nationals was a pretty big deal! Heck, our cheer squad got to miss a day of school to go to Disneyland! Our squad lost the competition however…but going on the Indiana Jones ride with Christy was a blast!

Getting another sibling was also a blast for me junior year! My mom had it weighing on her heart to adopt a baby. She convinced my Dad to go for it, and a few months after their initial decision, we received a phone call. There was a baby boy whose parents chose our family to adopt their unborn child! Isaiah David was born on April 1, 2003. My mom, Dad, and the twins (I stayed home for school) flew out to Wichita Falls, Texas to pick-up/officially adopt Isaiah.

When they brought Isaiah home, I totally fell under the “cute baby” spell. He was just so precious and like Emily, he too became a life-size doll…Only no hair and makeup this time! Being 17yrs old, I would joke around with my mom and tell her I was going to bring him to high school parties to show him off!

Senior year I quit cheerleading and had a steady case of senioritis. My friends and I all made our school schedules let us out at noon, but I still watched the clock as the seconds slowly ticked by. (I will admit that school was never really a challenge for me, as I was always able to pull mostly A’s.)

After graduation and saying “Good-bye” to friends and loved ones, I joyfully and carelessly went down south, to SDSU!

To Be Continued…

Session Number Four - Time Really Flies

From Michelle:

Tuesday 3/6/2012

I rolled into the "feel-the-burn zone" at 11AM. I think working out kind of wakes-up my body...but Nicole works me so hard that my body is ready for bedtime at the end of the session!

So, today I held onto a resistance band that Nicole had hung from the ceiling. I pulled the band down and back, keeping my elbows up, trying to pinch my shoulder blades together, working my abdominal muscles to keep myself back in the wheelchair...and I did all this multiple times! Nicole says that the key to these exercises is repetition. Unfortunately, I agree.;) We also did pull-up-style exercises with a burly band in that same hanging-from-the-ceiling position. Nicole loves to say "OK, now do it again!" after you've finished a butt-load of sets! It's cool tho...REPETITION!

In addition, Nicole wrapped the resistance band around a pole, and we worked my core muscles by leaning forward, holding onto the resistance band, and sitting/pulling myself back to an upright position.

Then we worked on my rectus-abdominus muscles...the muscles on your sides that help you stand erect...and I leaned back&forth, holding weights.

PS- I love that Nicole finds the humor in "RECTUS-abdominus muscles"!!! Haha! We are getting along great! :)

Sincerely, Michelle

I've asked Michelle to detail her experiences during this journey. I received her entry this morning.

Thursday 3/1/2012

I pulled in to the parking-lot @ 4:30PM, ready to work! It had been raining throughout the day, so I came in layers…which I totally regreted once we started working out! I told Nicole that I really didn’t feel sore from the previous workout, and she was determined to send me home sore this time!

Michelle (far left).

I found that my arms felt more in control than before…but not perfect yet by ANY means! Readers will learn this quick: I’m a perfectionist! 

Oooh! The arm warm-ups burned!

Nicole transferred me onto a chair…sturdy w/back, no arms. My abdominal muscles are definitely getting stronger and I LOVE the feeling of sore stomach muscles! Makes me feel like I’m doing something right! I can’t remember all of the different exercises Nicole put me through, but I do remember that my arms were on fire!

At one point during the work-out, Nicole asked me where I saw myself in ten years. It’s funny, but I think I took a moment to answer her…1) because I was out of breath from working so hard, and 2) because it was the first time in looooooong time anyone had asked me that. I answered with the only answer I knew I wanted for sure…”I’ll be walking.”

At the end of our session I was exhausted! Ready for bed…Good job, Nicole!

Our Sessions

Michelle and I began our training last Tuesday. Not sure what to expect from our sessions, I prepared an environment that I hoped would foster success. That Tuesday, Michelle showed me pure determination. Unlike many of my other clients, Michelle didn't complain. She didn't get upset when I asked her to work harder... and best of all, she kept a smile on her face despite the somewhat awkward and difficult tasks.


Tuesday night I received an email regarding our first session. Michelle was sore. This was excellent news for  both of us and gave us both hope that we were on the road to success.


Email Dated: Tuesday February 21, 2012

Hey! Awesome session today! I had Speech Therapy @ 1, and I was totally zoning out and blinking all hard so as not to fall asleep! lol! AND my freakin' arms are already sore! K, I can do 11am tomorrow, if that works for u. Lemme know.

-Michelle

How inspiring to know that Michelle was ready to go the very next day! Now, three sessions in, Michelle is working as hard as ever. We keep her moving, straining, working the entire 60 minutes. With Michelle and I, there is no downtime, just hard work and sweat. During our sessions we chat about life... where we see ourselves in 10 years and how we plan on getting there. 

"So, where do you see yourself in 10 years?" I asked her in the midst of our session.

Her chin down to her chest, she looked up with just her eyes and without hesitation said, "I'm just going to say it..."

"Please, go for it!"

"I'll be walking." She smiled.

"Of course you will be!"