MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Today was a crazy one! I stood up with Nicole, and I actually QUIT doing an exercise! K, totally unrelated, but both were crazy in their own way!

For the first half of the session, Nicole had me doing some freakin' intense arm workouts. I used a resistance band, like I've done before, but Nicole has upped the amount of resistance on the band, making the exercises harder!

First I bicep curls with the resistance band. My abs get a workout too when I'm doing these, because of the strength it takes for my abs to hold me up and back in the chair. I accidently let the resistace band pull me forwards, and I had to engage my stomach muscles to sit me back in the wheelchair.

After doing bicep curls on both sides, I wrapped the band around each hand to ensure a tight grip. I pulled the band apart, and brought it back together (with straight arms). This execise was a killer! I did about 7 reps and had to quit! Nicole was shocked, cuz I never quit...Well, there's a first time for everything!

Next, Nicole stood behind me with the resistance band, and with straight arms, pulled the band in front of me with straight arms.

Then, she held the band above my head for pull-downs.

And then we switched over to the wooden pole for push-outs...that's a term I just invented to describe my motion. It was like a push-up, only instead I was pushing out, away from my chest. I did these with the right arm, by itself. We didn't give the left arm a chance to take over!

Afterwards, I tilted my wheelchair all the way back for some leg-lifts. I did this exercise where I would lift both legs straight, then bend the left knee up towards my chest, and lastly, try and straighten my left leg straight-up...all while maintaining my right leg-lift! We did this multiple times, the switched to work with the right leg, while maintaining the left leg-lift. My right leg is much farther behind the left, in that I can't fully bend my knee up.

Then, we worked on point and flexing my feet. Nicole said the my right ankle feels looser/more flexible than the left...which is a plus for the right side of my body...finally!

While my chair was leaned back, Nicole had me work on control in my arms while I raised and lowered the wooden pole. She also had me pretend I was rowing a kayak. Oddly enough, it took me a sec to understand how to actually row a kayak! It's one of those things you just know how to do, but I guess fake-rowing is a technique I need to re-teach my arm muscles!

And then, my grandma stopped by! Nicole and I were excited to show her how far I've come! Nicole decided to go ahead, and have me stand-up! Because my spine is so "messed-up" (strictly from muscles pulling tight on one side, being too loose on the other), my hips are uneven, making
my stance kinda cattywompus. I am able to stand much straighter when I'm wearing my back brace.

Nicole also had me sitting on a box, holding myself up with the TRX. I did some sit-ups (where holding on to the TRX, I lean back and sit myself back up.), and I pulled myself up to a standing position a few times. And I got the chance to stand with Nicole over in front of the mirror (I'm not vain. I just like to see what I need to fix in stading!).

Last, but not least, I buckled my seatbelt...which I used to have sooo much trouble doing...not anymore!

***MERRY CHRISTMAS and Have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! This is my last blog entry for the year. It's been an impeccable year! Words can't express how grateful I am to have y'all following me on this journey! Thank y'all so much for your love and support...I'LL BE BACK...WALKING, I HOPE! :)

Wonder Woman

 

I wore my back-brace to training today. Normally I wear it at home only because it's pretty restricting, as far as moving my upper body goes. But Nicole said to wear it in our session today, so I did! It's a lil uncomfortable after awile...my spine is curved from the muscles pulling it over to the left side up top...so the brace tends to rub on the skin right under my armpit!

 

So, I had my back-brace on so that we could try standing with it on. When I'm wearing the brace, my spine and hips totally get straightened out. We were hoping that by wearing it, my standing would improve.

 

So, after my arm warm ups, I wheeled my way over to the TRX to test my standing skills. I held onto the TRX handles above my head, took a deep breath, and hoisted myself up to a stand. Nicole had me pull-in my hips, spread-out my legs, and work on shifting my weight over to each leg. I also tried stepping forwards, which was easily done on the left side, but bending my right knee and stepping forward with that right foot is sooooo hard! It just won't move! Incredibly frustrating!

 

Oddly enough, my right hip started really hurting, so Nicole helped me back in my chair. Although the back-brace wasn't magic, it helped to stand a lot straighter than without it.

 

In the wheelchair, I did some gnarley pull-ups! I lifted both of my feet straight up while I used my arms to pull-up my upper body! Nicole was amazed and had to record it!

After seeing the video, I was pretty amazed with myself, too! My mommy will be so proud of my brute strength!

I think Nicole was getting a kick out of seeing me pull myself up so high, that she had me keep doing it over, and over, and over again! At last, my arms were killing me so she had me let go of the TRX, and just do a bunch of leg lifts.

I also spent some time doing knee raises, and then it was back to the TRX! Nicole had me switch off pulling my arms down...I held on to both TRX handles abvoe my head the whole time.

And my ankles are pretty tight, I have trouble pointing and flexing my feet. We worked on that a bunch, too. Nicole stood at my feet, and helped my muscles to understand the point and flex motions. She woul point and flex my feet, having me do the motion as much as I could, then she would stand back and have me try to do it alone. We did so many of these, my calves were burining, so I knew it was working!

Nicole wants me to stand-up in some sort of harness, and do squats to work my legs. Since I am lacking in the "harness department," we tried simulating what a squat would feel like. Nicole had me tilted back, raised my legs up with my knees bent, and using her whole body weight as resistace, I pushed my legs straight. We quickly decided that I should only use my right leg, since my left leg seemed to straighten faster. I REALLY gave my right leg a good workout with that!

Today was definitely a hard workout, but I'm glad I can show it off in my blog!

Amazing Day!

Today's session was awesome. A lot of work, but awesome. My abdominal muscles feel incredibly sore this evening, but it's that good sore...it's just reminding me of how hard I worked today!

We started out with the typical arm warmp-ups--- lil circle forwards and back, twisted invisible doorknobs. bent elbows in and out, pushed arms up and down with bent elbows. If you are ever feeling cold, I would reccommend doing a few rounds of these warm-ups...They really get your blood flowing!

After my warm-ups, I lined up my chair with this pilates chair-thing so that my feet were lined-up with the footrest part of it. Nicole sat on the actual seat part of it, and placed my feet on the footrest of the chair. The footrest moves up and down, held up by springs, by which you can adjust the resistance.Nicole helped to keep my feet and knees in line while I used my hamstings to push down on the footrest, and come back up. I'm of course, sore as hell now, but it's just my body reminding me of my hard work today!

Then, Nicole transferred me over to a wooden box. I was able to hang-on to the TRX hanging above me. I worked on sitting up tall, keeping my hips straight, and constantly reassuring myself that I COULD hold myself there without falling.

When I got comfortable sitting, Nicole had me try standing! I was able to stand however, I used a lot of my arm strength to pull me up, rather than leg strength to push me up.

Nicole the had me sit back down and do sit-ups on the box Yeah, I know it sounds pretty crazy for a disabled person to do, but that's why I love Nicole! She held on to my wrists, and I slowly lowered myself back, then used my abs to sit me back up. I think we did about 15 of these intense sit-ups!

Then it was time to stand again. This time, I stood facing the mirror with one arm around Nicole's shoulders. She widened my stance to help me put more weight through the left leg. By widening my stance, my left hip is forced to be pulled down lower, whereas in a narrower leg position, my left hip sits higher up, making my right leg bear the majority of my weight.

I also stood so I could see my reflection sideways in the mirror. Standing in this position helped me to see how my butt sticks out when I'm standing. I need to bring my pelvis/hips forward in order to get a tighter, "normal" stand.

So, today I really feel positive about how my progress is coming along. I think my abs are finally kicking-in, and I can see and feel the muscle areas I need to focus my efforts on. I really think that our session today also helped Nicole see where/what we need to work on.

Fear

Today we worked on the Pilates Reformer...We haven't done any work on the reformer in forever! It was so cool to actually see the difference in my body/muscles just laying down with my feet and legs on the bar at the end of the reformer. They were much more steadily bent up on the bar, and I could hold them up without straps or Nicole's hands trying to keep them up.

I started out with simple (for most folks!) leg presses. I pushed my legs as straight as I could go without letting my knees drop straight and lock out. Nicole made a good point to me when she said that I needed to go slightly beyond my "comfort zone," in order to work the area that needs it to get stronger.

Then, I did a bunch of leg presses with just the right leg. We wanted to be sure that the right leg wasn't getting cheated by letting the left leg do all the work during the previous tandem leg presses.

Next, Nicole handed me these two handles from the top of the reformer, I held my arms out straight and pulled down to the pad I was laying on. When I brought my arms back up, my body rolled back down. (Side Note: I really hope y'all know what a Pilates Reformer is, cuz I'm having a hard time describing my movements on it properly!) And thrn I kept my arms at my sides and bent my elbows up...kinda like a bicep-curl, only with palms facing outwards, not towards my chest.

We tried placing my feet in these slings that were attached up at the top end of the reformer. The idea is to raise and lower your straight legs. I, however, don't know how to engage my muscles to hold my legs up nor raise up my straight legs. I can easily lower my legs down to the ground, but at a certain point, I'm sure it's all gravity doing the work!

Then we placed a block between my knees, and I had to hold it in there while I did leg presses.

And here's where my fear started to get me. Nicole sat me up at the edge of the reformer, and with her gasping nothing but my hands, I worked on sitting-up. I would sorta wobble around at times until I found my balance again. And at those times I can't really explain it, but fear seemed to take control of me. Tears built up in my eyes and snot dribbled out my nose! I think I am just so used to the years of literally having no control over my body, and I'm at a point now where I just need to get over that fear! Ha. Easier said than done.

Nicole had me just sit there for a while and figure out my balance, then she made me work! ;) She had me lower myself back, then with ab-strength, not arm-strength, I did a sit-up. I did a number of sit-ups like this, and my abs are most definitely sore after that! It feels like my stomach is made of metal...hard as a rock! It may not look that toned or ripped, but it feels that way! ;)

Although I may not know what it is exactly that frightens me and sends me to that tearful place, it definitely seems time to conquer that fear. I guess the only way to do that, is by putting myself in that type of scenario over and over again...I'll be able to prove to myself that I DO have control over my body...or if I don't, Someone does!

I'm not feelin' the writing-thing today...LOL

I feel like I have no creative writing skills right now! LOL. So, as you are reading this, please forgive the blandness of my writing today!

First off, Nicole made me do killer arm warm-ups. I wanted so badly to just give-up and let my arms rest...but Nicole started telling me how amazing I was and how people in her other classes always tend to whimp-out way early in comparison. And I HAD to keep going once she told me that! Ya know, now that I think about it, she probably tells the to everyone to keep them going!Hmph!

So, then I did this exercise where I held a 4lb weight, and keeping my arm straight, I brought the weight in to my lap, and out to my side. I did a set of 5 with one arm, then switched sides. I did a total of 15, each side.

Then, I did leg-lifts and knee-raises.

Next, we did a bunch of sit-ups. Some with a weight on my chest, some normal ones, some with my legs up and extended, some where I threw my arms back and then swung them forwards for leverage, some with my legs raised high and I tried to touch my toes (cherry-pickers), and some where I attempted to bring my knees to my chest with every sit-up.Super fun.

And then it was back to the killer arm warm-ups.

Nicole had me buckle my seatbelt, and *CLICK*, I was done for the day!

Oh! And I got to meet Nicole's mom! Kinda fun! But Nicole's blonde and her mamma's a brunette...so no freaky look alikes!

Remember When...,Keep On Pushing!

It was awefully chilly this morning! But luckily, it wasn't raining too hard! With my long sleeves and leggings, I rolled into the studio actually ready for some warm-ups! But Nicole had other things in mind. She got out my "file," and we set some new goals. Back in the begining of October, we had set some goals to stand-up with the TRX and to strengthen my right leg. Iam happy to say that I am standing-up with the TRX (at home mostly), and as you can see from my latest video, my right leg is much stronger and quicker than back in October.

My new December goals are to work on lowering my left hip when standing, make my sit-ups stronger, and by the end of January, I would like to go from a sit to a stand completely unassissted.

After taking a look back, and discussing where we want to see me in the not too distant future, Nicole handed me the purple tennis ball. I took the ball in my right hand, and squeezed the crap outta it! I also gripped the tennis ball, and raised my arm up, doing 10 squeezes with my arm extended. Then, I switched the ball over to the left side. And bringing my left arm down to my lap, I began swopping the ball back and forwarth from left to right hands.

Next, we did some arm torture.We did arm circles forwards and backwards, twisted invisible doorknobs, and bent the elbows in, then released them back out straight over, and over, and over again. My arms were definitely feelin' the burn!

Then, I tilted my wheelchair back just a bit, and did some leg-lifts, knee-raises, and a combination of both! I can't exactly remember the order, but I worked on "walking" (doing knee-raises) in my chair, practiced only lifting the right leg (trying to keep the left leg down/relaxed), raising my knees up, individually, then kicking the leg out straight, and lifting each leg individually, with Nicole pressing down on the foot. And every so often, Nicole would have me tilt my  chair back further, making the leg-lifts tougher.

By the 3rd tilt, I was back all the way and my abs prepared themselve for what was next! With Nicole sitting at my feet, she leaned in towards my hands, and with her holding my hands, I did a whole heap of gnarley sit-ups! I tried to use my abs as much as possible when sitting-up, but I could help a little with my arms. I definitely wanna make my abdominal muscles as strong as possible...you don't know what you got 'til it's gone! :)

My Thoughts...

K, I was talking with Nicole about my poor/critical view of my progress...I guess that I'm too hard on myself in regaurds to my main goal, to walk again. I suppose she's right, if I don't believe in myself, how are others going to believe in me? I told Nicole that I DO believe I'm going to walk/get outta this wheelchair, and that I just am keeping my mouth shut because I don't want to sound cocky. Nicole said that it wouldn't be "cocky" to speak-up about my successes...but I dunno. I mean, I'm sharing this blog with the "world." And I'd like to think that my close friends and family know that getting out of this wheelchair is ALL I'm foccusing on. If I haven't made that clear, I AM GOING TO WALK. Wow. Typing that last bit was harder for me than I thought. I just don't want to go around telling everyone that I WILL WALK, and end up failing. I am so afraid of that...cuz I don't want to fail and let everybody down. I feel like I know what all of you are thinking...People would just be proud of you for trying, Well, that's what I'm doing. I am trying...and I am making so many of y'all proud. But I truly struggle with saying/believing that I will, without hesitation, walk again. At this point, I know I won't be in this wheelchair forever, but I don't know when, so I can't make any promises. As all of these thoughts are running through my head, it's almost as though by me being afraid to securely believe in myself, has been kind of a "roadblock," keeping my butt in the chair. Huh. I almost feel like I've reached this conclusion before. Now, I'm stuck. I don't know what I need to change about myself, or rather, HOW to change myself in order to break down that last "roadblock." *sheesh.* ...Help!?