Fear

Today we worked on the Pilates Reformer...We haven't done any work on the reformer in forever! It was so cool to actually see the difference in my body/muscles just laying down with my feet and legs on the bar at the end of the reformer. They were much more steadily bent up on the bar, and I could hold them up without straps or Nicole's hands trying to keep them up.

I started out with simple (for most folks!) leg presses. I pushed my legs as straight as I could go without letting my knees drop straight and lock out. Nicole made a good point to me when she said that I needed to go slightly beyond my "comfort zone," in order to work the area that needs it to get stronger.

Then, I did a bunch of leg presses with just the right leg. We wanted to be sure that the right leg wasn't getting cheated by letting the left leg do all the work during the previous tandem leg presses.

Next, Nicole handed me these two handles from the top of the reformer, I held my arms out straight and pulled down to the pad I was laying on. When I brought my arms back up, my body rolled back down. (Side Note: I really hope y'all know what a Pilates Reformer is, cuz I'm having a hard time describing my movements on it properly!) And thrn I kept my arms at my sides and bent my elbows up...kinda like a bicep-curl, only with palms facing outwards, not towards my chest.

We tried placing my feet in these slings that were attached up at the top end of the reformer. The idea is to raise and lower your straight legs. I, however, don't know how to engage my muscles to hold my legs up nor raise up my straight legs. I can easily lower my legs down to the ground, but at a certain point, I'm sure it's all gravity doing the work!

Then we placed a block between my knees, and I had to hold it in there while I did leg presses.

And here's where my fear started to get me. Nicole sat me up at the edge of the reformer, and with her gasping nothing but my hands, I worked on sitting-up. I would sorta wobble around at times until I found my balance again. And at those times I can't really explain it, but fear seemed to take control of me. Tears built up in my eyes and snot dribbled out my nose! I think I am just so used to the years of literally having no control over my body, and I'm at a point now where I just need to get over that fear! Ha. Easier said than done.

Nicole had me just sit there for a while and figure out my balance, then she made me work! ;) She had me lower myself back, then with ab-strength, not arm-strength, I did a sit-up. I did a number of sit-ups like this, and my abs are most definitely sore after that! It feels like my stomach is made of metal...hard as a rock! It may not look that toned or ripped, but it feels that way! ;)

Although I may not know what it is exactly that frightens me and sends me to that tearful place, it definitely seems time to conquer that fear. I guess the only way to do that, is by putting myself in that type of scenario over and over again...I'll be able to prove to myself that I DO have control over my body...or if I don't, Someone does!