Genuine Jeanie

Originally Michelle and I joked about titling this blog "Negative Nancy" because Michelle seemed to be a little resistant to working out today. At first, it seemed that she was just joking around, but later we dealt with some fairly emotional issues. I'm so appreciative to her for sharing her real self with me, so I've renamed the entry Genuine Jeanie. Dorky? Yes, but that's how Michelle and I like it! We've also included an account of our interview with the Santa Cruz Sentinel via Michelle from this past Saturday. Enjoy!

Interview:

Saturday morning Nicole and I met with Bonnie, a reporter from the Santa Cruz Sentinel. Bonnie wants to do a story about my journey, from getting sick to present day and my work with Nicole, as well as my physical therapy, speech therapy, and pilates work. I hope it's a front-pager! ;) jk! 

The three of us sat in a circle on the floor of One to One, and Bonnie fired out questions. It was very casual, Bonnie writing down the answers in her little notebook as Nicole and I spoke. The interview was going pretty smoothly with Bonnie sticking with the "easy" question that both Nicole and I could answer. Questions about my work-out routine, exercise equipment that is used, how first meeting/working with one another went...pretty basic, non-personal stuff. Then Bonnie "hit me where it hurts!" She asked about Wes. Well, she didn't say "Tell me about your dead brother," but the subject came up. I think Wes was looking down and thinking he just had to get in on this opportunity for fame! Lol. I teared up talking about him and how he's my motivation these days. And Nicole added her two cents as well. She told Bonnie about my necklace that I wear daily. It is a silver teardrop w/a lil bling that holds in it some of Wes' ashes.I don't wear it to be noticed, Nicole just found out about it a couple weeks ago. Well, now it's out there, so sharing this in the blog shouldn't be a big deal. I just want it known that I'm not trying to milk the loss of my brother for attention.

The three of us then took it outside in order to clear up the studio for a class. At this point in the interview, all of the questions coming from Bonnie seemed to be directed to me. I was asked about my depression in Colorado, losing my voice, and how I feel to be back in SC.

As the interview wrapped up, Bonnie said that it was great to see the closeness Nicole and I share, which totally reminded me of how lucky I am to have found Nicole!...but don't tell her I said that! ;) LOVE YA NICOLE!

Tuesday's Session:

Today was interesting. We did our arm warm-ups and then I did bicep curls. Then Nicole thought of this cool idea where she transferred me out of my wheelchair and sat me down on a wooden block on the floor. With the TRX hanging in front of me, I used my core muscles to lean/reach forward and up to grab hold of the TRX handles. Then, Nicole made sure my knees were bent and my feet were planted. Next step, with Nicole's assistance, I pulled myself up to a stand...sorta. We did this multiple times, and then...

 

Nicole cracked me open today...somewhat. I broke down. I found/find myself feeling impatient, I guess. I have this feeling that no matter how hard I work, it's never good enough. Now, I can argue with myself that I am currently achieving so much as far as gaining strength in my body, improving my speech, taking the initiative and moving out of my parents house, making the phone calls I need to be making, filling out numerous applications for housing AND taking them to where they need to be taken, I'm constantly dealing with different parts of my brain injury so as not to make any mistakes, and so on. But it always comes back to what I'm not doing that haunts me. I'm not walking, nor speaking at a "normal" level/pace. I'm 26 yrs old and I'm just now moving out...with caregivers. I hate having to be SO dependant on them. I'm stuck with the SSI and help from my parents, rather than being able to have a regular lifestyle, with a regular job, making my own regular money. All of the paperwork I'm taking around town, I'm not actually driving...my caregivers are driving me. And ugh...I don't want to hear about any wheelchair-driven-vehicles, or any jobs I should look in to for disabled people. That's not what I miss! I miss driving my truck off-road. I miss road trips with my BFF, where we're both sitting up front, jammin' the tunes. I miss getting all done-up for work at Abercrombie & Fitch. And I miss calling-in "sick" to play hooky with friends. I know that times have changed and the days of random road trips and fake "sick-days" to hang with your buds are long gone...I'm not that naive! I guess I just want to be "normal" again. Like I told Nicole, my mind feels ready for me to get up out of this wheelchair, but it's super frustrating that my body isn't on the same page. Nicole told me that I'm for sure getting there, and not to forget that my muscles have pretty much just atrophied (sp?) over the past 6+ years.....which, I guess, is true.

 

After venting my emotions through tears, I pedalled the crap out of the recumbent bike...or at least I tried to. My pedalling backward really improved a lot, as I was able to do it all by myself! Pedalling forward (with more resistance) wasn't perfect, but I greatly improved. My left knee came unlocked a lot easier, and Nicole was barely assisting my leg...just holding my left knee out, lined up with my hip.

 

When Nicole transferred me back to my wheelchair, my feet/calves began shaking. I experience this pretty frequently with Crystal, the girl that does pilates leg-presses with me. It's just my leg-muscles way of communicating that they're tired as hell! I told Nicole that, and she laughed in relief saying, "Really? Sweet!" We had to use the TRX to straighten-out my hips in the wheelchair, but after that, we ended our session for the day.